


Dial G for G, or, The Doctor Walks

by BroomEater2001



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alien Planet, Family Drama, Gen, Road Trips, The Doctor (Doctor Who) is a Dork
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:20:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28529838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BroomEater2001/pseuds/BroomEater2001
Summary: On the planet BECCALAYUMRUEY, the Doctor and his companion, Lacy, find themselves trapped in a tale of altruism, perceived gifts, moral imperatives, oblivion, and rebirth. The only question is: what's the big deal?
Kudos: 1





	Dial G for G, or, The Doctor Walks

**Author's Note:**

> I want to at some point in the future (this will probably never happen) have written an entire season's worth of Doctor Who. This would be the ~8th episode in that series. So I guess that puts this story in the weird position of being the first thing I write, whilst not being the episode/story where the new Doctor and companion are introduced.  
> Additionally I'm intentionally not gendering the Doctor, they are meant to be ambiguous, as far as the audience concerned the Doctor is non-binary. Let me know if I accidentally use he or she, since that would mess the whole thing up.  
> Furthermore and to conclude, I don't have a beta-reader so if there's any spelling errors, sorry.

The Tardis is like a box, unlike most boxes however, it is blue on the outside, and (on the outside) seems like it would be able to fit either 2-3 people or 15-17 clowns. The words “police box” are written on the box’s (the Tardis's) exterior, much like a tattoo. There is no doubt that the Tardis, as a blue box, has doors which, it must be stated, are blue as well.

The Tardis box materializes in the middle of a middle of a barren valley, within ten blinks of the eye the blue box (the Tardis) goes from having not been in the middle of a sun scorched rocky terrain to be exactly in that exact location, all the while making a sound reminiscent of Neptunian celloists. It cannot be overstated how the relative dimension of the Tardis is at this point in time in the middle of a valley, which can’t help but bring into question the Tardis’s previous special location. Very mysterious indeed.

Or at least, it would be mysterious to a passerby who happened to be walking by on the PLANET BECCALAYUMRUEY. Which is where THE DOCTOR and his companion LACY have arrived using the Tardis.

As we meet our two characters, we are made aware that the Tardis is in fact bigger on the inside than on the outside. This explains then how it is that Lacy and the Doctor managed not to get sweaty in such a cramped-seeming box.

“Crrrrrrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkk!” goes the door as Lacy opens the Tardis’s wooden doors to the outside light.

“What’s like, what’s this places deal?” Lacy thinks to say out loud to the Doctor, who’s standing behind her trying to pick up the peal of balls which fell out of the Tardis console in a comedic fashion on landing.

“Is it cold outside?” The Doctor asks, too busy trying to fish a ball from underneath the console to make eye contact.

“No it’s lukewarm, that’s weird, how come all the planets we’ve been on so far have been lukewarm?”

The doctor, now holding a wide variety of pastel-colored balls in their arms like some sort of lumpen baby responds “It’s the Tardis translation circuit. It’s translating the way the air feels for you to understand the same way the locals do.”

“That’s a bit extra to be honest.”

“Extra what?” The doctor asks with a confused look on their brow, it’s unclear whether the confusion is over the use of the term ‘extra’ or the array of semicircular crevices in front of the Doctor.

Looking out through the Tardis doors, in a pose akin to some sort of parody of a tourist looking off a cruise ship to a nearby island, Lacy says “You know, there really isn’t much of anything at all here anywhere, I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen this much nothing in my entire life.”

“Uhhh…” The Doctor is still very confused, again, the origin of this confusion is unclear, it is hard to say one way or another where this confusion is coming from.

Turning back around, Lacy goes for the Doctor, and she really cannot contain her laughter, it is impossible for her not to reveal what a hilarious joke she thinks she just made.

Looking away from the panel of pastel pills, the Doctor knowingly gives the hint of knowing what’s going on, whereas in reality they were too absorbed by the task of placing the balls in place to have understood her joke.

Lacy makes a lot of jokes, this much is clear, it is a constant state of affairs with her, she cannot stop herself from joking around and having ‘a bit of a laugh’. One would assume from this that Lacy is a very lighthearted and carefree person.

Putting on their iconic coat, the Doctor joins Lacy outside.

“Wow, there sure is a lot of barren terrain around…”

“Why did we land here then Doctor, can’t we just mulligan this one and go to the place I wanted to go instead.”

“What are you talking about? Weren’t you the one who wanted to come here, when I asked if you had any preferences you said, ‘anywhere really I don’t mind either way’, and we’re definitely anywhere?”

Lacy pouts in a sort of combative way. And then she notices something off in the distance. “Hey what’s that over there?” She brings up, pointing in a particular direction.

“That’s the IOCUELLINI star sector, which I think at this particular point in time is being enthralled in a territorial skirmish between the Draconians and unsurprisingly, the Iocuellinians, although I think that at this point in time they still call themselves the Sansunoks, which is actually a pretty funny coincidence since I’m pretty sure the Draconians are the ones who’ll- “

“No not that star sys- I meant that thing on what looks like a road over there.”

“Oh that’s a caravan, what of it?”

“Maybe we should go and say hi. Maybe they’re heading somewhere that isn’t here and is therefore more interesting.”

“Alright.”

At what looks almost like a family dinner table, we find are who can only be assumed to be the native species of this planet having dinner, the BECCALS, who look like humans except with a slight chrome sheen and with ears instead of eyebrows.

A young BECCAL, who would be no more than 8 or 9 in earth years, looks up to one of 6 older BECCALS (or at least, older presuming that this species grows in size with age), with an upset look on what can only be assumed to be their face.

“Mwaaaaaam, I’m gonna vomit all over the room!!!!”

All 6 of the older BECCALs, seemingly in unison, ignore this, perhaps it is a custom to vomit all over the room during what seems to be dinner time, or perhaps the BECCAL known as Mwaaaaaam is not currently in the room. Irregardless, the young BECCAL proceeds to vomit all over the room. They make a noise like ‘Blrrrrwrrrlrrbrrlrrwrlwrlwrlwrl’ and so on.

We see the Doctor and Lacy walking through what looks to be a continuation of the valley they were previously seen in. They appear exhausted, disheveled, and beaten down.

Catching air for breath, Lacy breaks the silence to ask, “Do you think we should maybe head back and park closer to the road?”

“We’re more than halfway there.” The doctor responds, noticeably sweaty.

“Sure but, we’re gonna have to walk all the way back too… oh science even imagining that hurts.”

Lacy says ‘oh science’ instead of ‘oh god’ or something equivalent because, on a previous occasion when Lacy asked the Doctor if there was a god, the Doctor was unhelpful and obfuscatory in their answer. As such to sort of put a cheese grater to the Doctor’s legs, she will not lose a single opportunity to malfeasantly slide the word science or equivalent into any even vaguely religious scenario.

“You can’t exactly park a Tardis.”

“Maybe you can’t, you can barely keep that coat from sagging off your body.”

The Doctor’s coat sags off their body and falls onto the gravelly floor.

“I’ll pick it up when we head back this way.” The Doctor preempts, their limbs aching, their face stony and uncharacteristically not in the mood for any witty retorts.

The caravan looks like one large box, but not a blue box, a wooden crate sort of box, long and thin and tall, being transported on wheels by what look to be cows, what actually looks to be exactly like cows, down to every last monochrome hair on their hide. These very strangely normal cows seem to either be used to carry a charcuterie of supplies on their backs, or to pull the very large non-blue box along the brick road.

One of the caravan traders seems to notice the Doctor and companion and seems just about ready to alert the others of raiders before noticing the haggard and the pale looking exteriors which are actually getting closer towards them.

Halting the rest of the caravan this same trader goes to the punished souls in front of him and offers them a drink.

“What were you doing over there?” The trader, whose name is as of yet unknown, asks the Doctor and Lacy in their native language, the Tardis translates this question and Lacy hears it as “What were you guys doing over there?” For some reason, the Tardis saw fit to give the trader a vaguely new-yorker accent.

Lacy was too busy drinking the offered drink to respond, the drink which as it happened, tasted like sugary olive oil.

This left the Doctor to respond, “That’s kind of a personal question don’t you think?”

The trader, befuddled, replies “Oh, you’re right, I guess. Personally, I’m Hlote, what about your persons?”

“I’m the Doctor and this is Lacy drinking. We were and are personally lost, would you happen to know where we are?”

“Yes.”

“That’s good to hear, can we follow you to wherever you’re going?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, thanks.”

Lacy’s eyes managed to follow the flow of the conversation she just witnessed, and yet her mind is unable to conceive of the idea of more walking. Additionally, she is somewhat alarmed at how much she enjoys the taste of sugary olive oil.

The Tardis is still sitting in the middle of a valley, it’s sort of just sitting there.

All of a sudden, what looks like a deer the size of a rat skitters across the very same field. It kicks up some gravel as it runs by.

Despite Lacy’s protests, she does go along with the Doctor and the caravan. To her own surprise, her legs do not feel utterly empty and about to shatter.

“Doctor, how come we’ve walked way further with these caravanners than we did on our own, and yet your forehead barely has any water beads on it?”

“Roads and humans are very mildly psychic.”

Lacy gives a face sort of like “(。﹏。*)”

Lacy talks to some of the other caravanners as they’re walking, she walks and talks you might say. One of the caravanners offers to sell her some of their wares, and she successfully manages to tell them that she’s not interested without coming off as rude and ungrateful.

Another one of the caravanners tells her their life story, about how when they were a child, they were told about how when they were a toddler, they sorted through and assorted assortment of symbols, and the one they grabbed proved that they would one day end up as a chef, which is what makes it (in the caravanners opinion) so interesting that they ended up as a trader.

She asks another one of the traders what’s in the big wooden crate that they’re dragging. And they say that they disagree with the question.

Hlote and the Doctor are talking a little bit about the Hlote’s family, Hlote is a BECCAL, an alien species, and as such, his family dynamics are wildly different from those which would be the case for a timelord or a human.

“Once I was at a dinner table…” Hlote recollects.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” The Doctor asks, at this question Hlote seemingly is pushed into deep thought, this is somewhat upsetting for Lacy, who was overhearing their conversation and was interested in hearing about the dinner table.

Hlote halts his silence and asks the Doctor “We’re about to enter a small hamlet, are you going to go or stay?”

Hamlets are by definition small villages, which essentially means Hlote said that they were going to enter a small small village.

“Alright.” The Doctor wonders if by entering the small small village the combined personage of the caravan and themselves will bump the settlement into just being a regular hamlet, that is to say, a small village.

As they continue walking, they notice that the road is flanked with one house (that is to say, one house shaped building) on each side, the leftmost of which seems built into a large hill.

On noticing this, Lacy asks if a person who lives in a hill counts as a troglodyte, the Doctor confirms that this is not the case.

The caravan and Doctor and Lacy are greeted by what looks to be an older BECCAL, by nature of their use of a walking stick. Of course it is possible that the BECCAL’s limp was a genetic issue, but either way the BECCAL immediately upon seeing the Doctor and Lacy offers them both a drink.

“You both look so pale is everything alright are you sure you don’t want something to eat or drink or did you already have something to eat or drink?” The BECCAL asks.

“We’re alright, who are you?” Lacy asks.

We’re alright too. I’m Roe by the way.” The BECCAL whose name is apparently Roe responds.

The Doctor and Lacy are invited into the small small village for what they can only assume are hospitalities. Immediately upon getting off the road, Lacy near faints at the feeling in her legs.

“I wonder if they have a hotel…” The Doctor ponders to Lacy.

“They have a spare bedroom if you need.” Hlote responds, clearly having overheard the question.

An inexact but brief amount of time later, Hlote is talking to Roe and some other small small villagers about caravan related ordeals.

“What do you mean, ‘just put it anywhere.’?” One of the villagers relates. Their name is Xam.

“Exactly. I’m glad you understand.”

“Why did you bring this thing here for it to be here and just like- look, I don’t understand why you’re just giving this thing to us. Why are you giving this huge box to us?”

“Not the whole box, just one third.”

“Why are you giving one third of this wooden huge box to us?”

“I’m being paid to give you one third of what is inside this huge wooden box to you.”

“Oh.” Exclaims Roe.

The Doctor and Lacy find themselves in a room in a hill. It has one bed and one timelord and one person. There is a desk, which the Doctor sits on, their legs swaying back and forth unabashedly.

Lacy wonders whether or not the Doctor is intentionally swinging their legs to draw attention to how Lacy took up the only comfortable seating in the whole room. They aren’t.

“Do you ever ham up your responses to questions based on your persona?” she asks the Doctor.

“What do you mean by that?” the Doctor responds. They are swaying their legs because it feels weird to do so with them being as numb and battered as they are.

“Like, when people ask you questions, do you ever ham up the fact that your name is the Doctor? Do you ever say stuff like ‘my prescription is that this situation is ill indeed’ or ‘looks like I need to setup clinic!’ or something simple like ‘The Doctor is in!’?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever really explored that idea.”

“What do you think of the caravanners, did they seem alright to you?”

“Did you notice the big wooden crate on wheels?”

“Yeah, I can’t believe they have cows on this planet.”

“Those weren’t cows.”

“What do you mean those weren’t-“

“Don’t you think it would be a real pain to transport something like that so far, what if there’s a pothole, the entire thing might topple over right?”

“Maybe their transporting the stones for Stonehenge, or whatever their equivalent would be.” Lacy feels especially clever at this observation, if the ceiling was staring at her it would notice her grin.

“Don’t be ridiculous, everybody knows Merlin built Stonehenge.”

“Alright pomp alright then what do you think it is?”

“Hmm.” The Doctor stops swaying their legs to accentuate the pause “Probably nothing.”

Lacy is tired, she tries to go to sleep.


End file.
